A Friend Update

After my last, sad "woe is me and my boy" post, I thought I better give you an update. I DID talk to his teachers and found out two things that made the whole thing a little less daunting. First, the boy who was taunting LM about not inviting him to his birthday party didn't have a birthday party. Now, I don't know if he just didn't have a friend party - that is my guess as this school doesn't seem like a place where a child's birthday would go unnoticed - but obviously this child was feeling insecure about the fact, and was sharing his insecurity with everyone else. Or, at least, LM.

Also, I learned there are "centers" in their classroom, and each center has a limit to the number of kids who can be there. The teachers thought perhaps this was part of the time when he was insinuating people weren't playing with him. They were just indicating the center was full, so he would need to move to a different one. The teachers had a talk about this with the children - how to best tell someone to move on, and how to tell someone you just arrived so to not be pushed out. LM reiterated the talk to me, and said it was important they covered it for another boy in the class. Ahem. Funny.

The teachers also said LM seems to play with everyone in the class, and seems happy to move from child to child, friendly with everyone. This is similar to his behavior in his class in Dallas, although he did have some special friends. So, it was nice to hear he had not suddenly become a quiet wallflower - ha - anyone of you who know LM know this ain't gonna really ever happen. So I should remember that!

AND, we learned one of the boys who invited him to a party will be in his class NEXT year - his school is a small one, and his preschool is in a slightly different area, where most children will go to a different school next year. But, learning one face will be the same was nice to know. I plan to invite that child over for a playdate in the near future.

What's more, the weather has broken into spring-ish temps, so we've been riding the neighborhood, meeting new neighbors. Everyone has been so nice. LM was able to meet a little girl who will be in his class next year, and learn about another boy who will also be in his class that we hope to meet soon. So, there are kids he can learn to know over the spring and summer.

If that isn't enough, a friend of mine in the mothers of preschoolers group invited him to a playdate with her son and two other boys, one of which will be in his class next year. My friend said LM especially hit it off with his future classmate, and that she really enjoyed having him over. She reported he wasn't exhibiting any anti-social behavior - quite the contrary - he joined right in, was a compromise finder, a problem solver, and very thoughtful to the other children. What a nice thing to hear.

So, isn't this a different picture? I am so glad I spoke with the teachers and we have found some other good leads on special future friends. This warms my heart and calms my worries. Until I think of the next thing to worry about.

See you soon.

Friends

I am a girl who has amazing friends. Some have been around since birth. Since preschool. Since college. Since we met at work. Since I moved to Illinois. But, in that long list of friends, there are some real gems. Seriously, I am a lucky girl. This cannot be overstated.

My boy LM has some great friends too - from school and his cousins - in other cities. Since he joined his little preschool last September, I have been waiting to sense him making real, quality friendships here in Illinois. I quiz him about what went on at school, and listen to the people he spoke about playing with on the playground or when they were doing an activity. Never did a pattern emerge where I got the feeling he was bonding with one or two children closely. So, of course, I kept asking questions.

Lately, though, he has mentioned how one boy he used to talk about as a friend was telling him and his other classmates that he wasn't inviting LM to his birthday party. He asked me why would this child do this to him? He also has said, when I ask who did he play with at school, that he was playing with this child or that child but then they said they didn't want him to play with them anymore, so he'd move on to another until he was told by that child the same thing and so on.

He has been invited to two birthday parties - both were to parties of boys he rarely mentions, so I can only imagine they invited the whole class. It's so nice of him to be invited nonetheless, but both times we have been out of town at the date of the parties. And, both times, I wrote the parents to express his regret, telling them we are new in town and thanking them for including them. Both times we sent gifts to school, and while one is recent so a reply might still come, so far, both times, no return email or thank you note. Normally this would mean nothing, but as I look for something that might mean my boy is making headway in the friend department, this is noticed.

Can I tell you how my heart breaks when he seems so sad? Can I tell you how he says hello to any child we see anywhere, anytime, anyplace, trying to find connection in this new place? Can I tell you how much he wants to play with other children - to be a friend? Can I tell you how much I miss his friends that he knew so well? Can I tell you what a kind, funny, smart, interesting boy he is? Why wouldn't these children find him to be friend material?

In the short term, I am going to speak to the teachers, to see what their perception is, and if perhaps there are some students we could invite over for one on one playdates this spring, or if there are other ways I can talk to LM about this situation. I don't want to swoop in and make it a thing, but I do want to help my boy if I can. I'm sure this won't be the last time my heart will suffer for my boy. Parenting is not for the faint of heart, is it!

In the long term, I know this is certainly a short term problem. I know he will make friends - hopefully this summer in the neighborhood, at camps, at church if we can ever pick one. And in the fall as they begin school together in a new place. He will. But, for now, my heart is breaking for him. Probably more than his heart is breaking about it.

Thank God for friends.

See you soon.

Caitlin's 4th Birthday

Last weekend, we were privileged to attend Miss Caitlin's 4th birthday! It had a Minnie Mouse theme, and was a lot of fun for the whole family.

There was a slip n' slide!

The kids had a lot of fun on the slip n' slide, but when we first arrived, and for quite a while, in LM terms, LM was being shy and anti-social. This is new for him - he used to just jump right in to anything, but now sometimes he's cautious at first. Don't worry - it eventually wears off. But, he played on the slip n'slide when pretty much everyone else had given up...

This is Caitlin's cutie little sister, Emily.

She has gone from baby to toddler since we saw her!

When I say fun for the whole family, I mean it.

Adult games and beverages, too!

And adult guessing games and trivia, of which I failed miserably.

LM, finally sliding away...

The food and decor were all themed so cleverly, too.

There was also a pinata! 

The kids hit it and then pulled the strings.

LM actually pulled the trap door string, but it still needed a little help.

Plenty of candy for everyone!

More of this cutie...

Later, cupcakes!

And then, presents!

 

A fun time had by all.

See you soon!

Max's 3rd Birthday

The weekend before last, we were lucky to attend LM's buddy Max's third birthday. It was a Batman theme, so LM insisted on wearing his Batman shirt. I was pretty sure Max would have that shirt on, so I tried to talk him into another superhero, but he would not be deterred. So, as he and Max matched for the party. Ahem. Lots of the kids from their class attended the party, which was fun for the kids and the parents, since we don't really get to talk to the parents when we fly in and out of there on a daily basis. Here are some photos:

First, before we left for the party, LM was hanging on the couch.

In his shades.

He was wearing his shades, in the house, while watching television. He rarely will wear his shades outside when they could be useful, which makes this even funnier to me. 

OK, on to the party.

This was so cute - they sat down for a snack and a conversation.

I think Max's mom caught a better one of this.

Anthony was also there - his birthday is in a couple of weeks.

Getting ready for cake.

I didn't really catch any good ones of this - the room was full!

An attempt at a group photo.

Pinata!

Look Ma, candy!

Cake! With blue icing!

Birthday boy!

Fun times.

See you soon.