So, here I am, on maternity leave, with little sleep, holding my precious new baby much of the day. And, I, like every woman recovering from pregnancy, am in that postpartum period of crazy hormones, a body going through changes to get back to "normal" and a changing life. I am lucky that it appears I will not be inflicted with the debilitating depression many women face at this time in their life. But, I am affected by these hormones at this time...so while I'm hormonal and crazy, I thought I'd write a post about it. Ahem.
The thing is, I am over the moon with this little boy - with my family - my wonderful husband and two boys. But, now that I know, with my age mainly being the determinant, that this baby boy will indeed by our last, each day I think about how this boy will be my last newborn. Now, when I haven't slept most of the night, I think thank goodness! But, when I smell his sweet head, feel his tiny body, and hear his sweet newborn sounds, I tear up at this "last" in my life.
One might point out to me that it wasn't that long ago that this life of mine - this turn of events - two healthy, lovely, loving boys - was not part of what I thought I would ever experience. And one would be right to point this out. The truth is, I feel so incredibly blessed. I know this part. I know. I get it - I AM blessed beyond measure. And, this only increases the aforementioned tears...the blessing they are - and the pleasure they bring to this life of ours - and this is it - the end of this phase of this wonderful blessing.
To that point - when I get a bit weepy over this turn of events - the last little one to hold and to love - even when I have had no sleep - I try to remind myself of the adage "don't be sad it is over - be thankful it happened at all!" And, I truly, in my rational brain that comes around from time to time between the lack of sleep and the hormones, I truly do feel that way. I am so pleased it has happened. That I have these memories of not one but TWO baby boys. That I have so many memories and adventures to come.
And, the hormones will level out one day. And I'll be able to process all this more rationally. However, for now, I will continue to remind myself to be thankful it IS happening. Again and again. And I will live in the moment and soak it all in. All of it - the lack of sleep, the sweet sounds, the crying, the eternally perfect smells, the tiny hands and soft skin. All of it. It is all precious and wonderful and an eternal blessing.
See you soon.