Tuesday, September 1, 2009

You're Gonna Have Squirrel Haven Envy...

This is the section of chain link fence that separates our backyard from our driveway, covered in grapevine. It is not to be confused with the wooden fence that encompasses the rest of the yard and is still falling in on itself. Ahem.

So, on one side of that chain link fence is the backyard.
With said crappy wooden fence still sort of in place.

Also on the "backyard" side of the fence - a pecan tree.
A pecan tree that is currently showering the ground with a bounty of green pecans.

And these two squirrel-hating pecan eaters.
They can also be found on the backyard side.

"Who, me?"

On the other side of that fence...

(cue the angelic voices singing "Ahhh" on a major chord)
The Squirrel Haven

Yes, that's right, this section of the driveway is still in "throwing range" for the pecan tree. And out of range of those two adorable dogs who hate - kill, actually, with regularity - squirrels. So, it is a perfect place for the neighborhood squirrels to gather. And eat free nuts. And squawk at the dogs who can't get to them. And leave the shells.

In fact, the Local 542 of Squirrel Nut Storage Workers of America (SNSWA) has organized this location and use it is a prime example for excellent working conditions everywhere. Ample supply, good security system, and hours to fit any squirrel's need for work-life balance. I hear they also offer excellent health benefits.

The squirrel rotary meets here every Thursday at 4am. These portly, community loving squirrels sometimes leave empty coffee cups behind which can be rather bothersome. I mean, the shells will eventually be ground up, blown off, returned to the earth. But, the unsightly use of Styrofoam by the squirrel rotary - especially when clean-up is spotty - squirrely, anyone? - they claim to want the best for their community and the environment, tout hours of service to their fellow man - er squirrel - but then litter- it's a real pain. Even if their cups are the size of thimbles. It can make you go, well, nuts. But the upsides are just so numerous, this is a small price to pay to be able to house this rodent sanctuary.

We, S and I, of course, find ourselves extremely lucky to have a small part in such an example of high living here in our driveway. I mean, all the neighbors are trying to replicate what we have, but you know, there are those pesky items you have to obtain to climb this social ladder - the nut tree, the high end fence, the barking dogs, the affection of the neighborhood squirrel population, the seeming never-ending complete disregard for ever wanting to sweep the driveway clean of debris. These are items not everyone can collect with ease. You have to have a certain amount of - how do you say it - a certain amount of je ne sais quoi - to be able to house a squirrel haven like this one.

About now you're hating me because my squirrel haven is beautiful. I told you envy would set in. It always does. It's really not your fault. It happens all the time. We've lost some dear friends to squirrel haven envy. Please try to let it go so we can still be friends.

We were thinking of adding a squirrel spa next fall - you know, where the rodents can shake off a hard day of the nut gathering by relaxing in a bath of grapevine scented bubbling water. Or, exfoliate with the pecan shell pumice cream. You know, only the best for our little friends. Only the absolute best.

See you tomorrow.


  1. I am sitting at my desk, laughing until it hurts. I don't know about you, but I've always found that the SNSWA is a tricky one with which to work...lots of "old schoolers" still holding down the meetings, etc. Glad to hear you've found some common ground. Literally.


  2. A squirrel spa!!! LOL

    This entry is great!


  3. Love it! Great pics. too. Would give anything for some of the pecans!


  4. This is hilarious! I have two dogs who feel the same way about squirrels. The squirrels used to torture them in our back yard. Now we live in a house where there isn't a huge tree in the backyard. They are much happier dogs now. I love the squirrel Union and the Squirrel Spa idea!


  5. Definitely squirrel envy. And love the new ducky heading!


Please leave your name (first name only is fine) with your comment!